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The convoy arrive usually towards night at a Lavington caravan park; they prefer to be segregated from other caravans. The caravans are luxurious, not the Windsor Pop Top. The cars that pull them are the latest models. There is a reek of anonymous affluence about these phantoms. Any interaction with the rest of the caravan park is virtually nonexistent. When the men venture out they do so discretely. Those left behind wives or lovers remain indoors when the men are out. No doors are left open. No music - no blaring televisions with all their daytime trash of funeral plans and cheap entertainment- just silence.

According to a former employee of the caravan park, in all his time at the caravan park he never did see the folks who lived in them and silently waited for their menfolk to return from their daily tasks - whatever they were.

Welcome to the world of the phantoms of the rooftops, mysterious travellers of the dimness as they peddle their wares of deceit and criminality throughout New South Wales and beyond. Their profits are great - and in cash thus avoiding unnecessary attention of the Australian Taxation Office.

As the sun slowly descends into the heavens the men are at work, the phantoms of the rooftops stealthy crisscrossing the streets of Albury, making notes. Preparing the spiel. Just a look at a house indicates the social and economic status of the inhabitant. Their preference is for pensioners, preferably with a few quid in the bank. In their long travels they've got it all down to a tee in their sociological interpretations of suburb and their inhabitants.

Then the call comes from the 'salesman'. They'll have a cup of tea with you. Make you feel at ease as they explain your perilous situation. 'That roof of yours is in terrible shape- you'll have to replace it in a year or two if you don't fix it - then again it might only be a matter of months!'

The salesman then goes on to explain the almost miraculous qualities of their product when applied to a disintegrating roof and how it will miraculously restore it to near new - almost perfect condition - the superb anticorrosion qualities, the impeccable quality of the work, a guarantee that probably exists into the next century. These phantoms of the rooftops understand the nuances of the superlative more so than most people. They have to.

Like the patient fisherman they wait for that little nibble. They're unwearied at the constant questioning about their service - the quality of their work. Attuned to the highest levels of professional sincerity, they've been in the game long enough to realise the hook embedding itself into the by now worried pensioner. Peace of mind for three or four thousand dollars is a pittance compared with the grim reality of the alternative that had been graphically indoctrinated into their preys mind. Imagine the roof disintegrating - a lifetime of memories and precious mementoes that would be lost. And then of course there's the price. If you got anyone else you'd be up for at least double that.

The prey start to convince themselves that they seem like honest chaps - good natured, even caring when they offer you not so much a discount but an act of kindness a discount of a couple of hundred dollars. In fact they are so good natured they offer them, the prey, a ride to the bank so that the funds can be extracted. As soon as they receive their payment the phantoms of the rooftops are hard at work mixing and spraying. They don't seem to prefer the brush or to mask out the roof on case of overspray. - 'It'll just wash off because we treated it beforehand they might say - don't worry be happy. The pensioner tries to convince himself that everything is all right. The phantoms of the rooftops again reassure him. They're good at reassuring. Remember the guarantee - and we'll be around next week to check if you still have any questions about their handiwork. Then they're gone.

Of course the hit rates of the phantoms of the rooftops are fairly marginal, but then again you only have one or two a week to ensure a profitable bottom-line. Some are more callous than others using inferior paints that have been known to wash off with a good rain. Some make such a mess of it that
It costs thousands more to remedy the situation.

Usually by the time the Department of Fair Trading are called in to investigate the phantoms of the rooftops have long since moved on to God only knows where.

The phantoms arrive in Albury and Wodonga every two or three years. They arrive and stay for two or three months. They talk with a strange, perhaps cockney accent. Where they came from none could tell.

They are always conscious at being found out. That's why they live a surreptitious life.
But for these phantoms of the rooftops it's a very well-paid clandestine life.